McFarlane TV

I file this under "kickin."

Todd McFarlane is developing a 30-minute anthology show. Could be cool. Alternatively, it could also suck. Suck in an Outer Limits sorta way. I'm putting in an optimistic vote for not-suck.

Tyranny of stupidity

36% of U.S. students believe gov't should censor newspapers. In other news, same students receive "F" in common sense. linkage

DiCaprio feted

Leo DiCaprio, 30, given lifetime achievement award. Julia Roberts' spawn reportedly next in line. linkage

The Unexamined Life: G.I. Zoo

G.I. Zoo: "Snake Eyes came with a wolf named Timber and…whoa, hold on a sec. Snake Eyes didn’t talk. So how the hell would the wolf have a name?" I explore this and other action-figure-based philosophical questions. Snippet:

"Apart from Sit ‘n’ Spin, no childhood toy had more impact on my life than G.I. Joe (Sit ‘n’ Spin because nothing’s more fun when you’re a kid than being dizzy, and G.I. Joe because it was a rockin toy line, more rockin than…a…band…that, uh, rocks really hard…like, maybe Metallica or Night Ranger…yeah, Sister Christian, oh the time has come, and you know that you’re the only one, to say, okay…dunh dunh dunh dunh Motorin’!!! What’s your price for flight?)."

The lunacy continues here...

Ethics: Cadaver Conundrum

I never imagined necrophilia would be mentioned on this Web site so quickly and certainly not within the first month. Regardless, here it comes. And that's your allotted pun for the week. Maximum Awesome

Forge World

I'll say this: Forge World has some mighty fine sculptors. Another example.

H&R Schlock

Good ol' Section 2 comes through again, this time with a little H&R Block action based on their recent ad campaign. Hilarity, as per usual, ensues. Maximum Awesome

X Stands for Stupid

"I’ve used the word crap a lot in this column. I don’t regret one instance of it." My craptastic collection of crappy comics. Maximum Awesome

Pikavision

Still without a name, Section 2 soldiers on. This week, Pikachu makes an appearance on these hallowed pages. I can only describe it as "kickin." Maximum Awesome

Quite Frankly

Honest advice for the needy, shallow and truly screwed up. This week: hirsute heaven. linkage

Yokorama

So you wanna be a rock 'n' roll star...

Bands are fun. Unless you happen to be in one. Then they are a spiritual vacuum, sucking the joy out of the very thing you love, i.e., rockin'.

Yokorama continues at Maximum Awesome.

Something completely different...Ethics

It begins...the ethics column I co-write with a Ph.D. friend of mine.

Advice

Here's some good old fashioned advice. From a self-confessed perv.

Ponch

Ponch. See how carefree his is. Not a worry in the world. And why not? His hair is perfect, he's got a kickin ride and he's packing a .38 Special. Does life get any better? I propose that it does not.

See the full Ponch article at Maximum Awesome.

Art takes one in the face

Once again, Costco plies us with sweet, sweet bargains. Often relating to jumbo, brontosaurus-sized cranapple juice bottles, this time bargainosity lowers the boom on an original Picasso. It sold for $39,999.99. I'd like to petition the good people at Costco to please not hedge on that final penny. Psychologically speaking, there is no extra incentive for snagging a Picasso at under 40 grand versus 40 even. Sure, when I'm jonesing for some Cocoa Puffs, if I see that $3.00 tag, I'm walking over to the Lucky Charms. But you knock off that penny for a $2.99 spot, I'm getting cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Y'know?

Toyville: Evil dolls

The Cabbage Patch Kids genome has been decoded and abused. Yay toy science. Here are the spooky results. Warning: evil looking dolls.

Retro-blog 2: The Haunted Helmet (ooo-whee-ooo)

$740 for a haunted Japanese WWII helmet on eBay. A bargain at half the price. (I hope they leave this listing up forever.)

Strippers are getting younger

Guest speaker touts stripping to 8th grade girls. Wow. I have Yahoo as my home page because the news screener who selects which AP stories to run on in their little "In the News" box does a great job (as this link attests). Don't overlook this nugget of a quote: "He really focused on finding what you really love to do," said Mariah Cannon, 13. Nice. Plus, she only has to add an 's' to have a perfect stripper name.

Retro-blog: How to be a hack

This is a retro-blog, a blog of thoughts I had days ago--that is, in fact, only timely days ago--and yet I blog it now, in the useless, useless present.

I call it How to be a hack...
WFAN's (660AM New York) own Ed Coleman, part-time talk show host and full-time Mets apologist, is spending the day before the NFL Conference Championship games (the best day of football, eclipsing the disgustingly family friendly Super Bowl) on baseball. He's pretty interested in who the Mets' first baseman might be. Only three football games left in the NFL season? Knicks coach just resigned? Nope, Eddie's talking Mets baseball. After all, the baseball season only stretches across nine months from March to November. Ed Coleman is my arch-enemy.

Mash note to Todd McFarlane

Following up on the last bit on new McFarlane figs...I interviewed Todd McFarlane several times for a magazine I used to edit. He's a throwback. The toy industry used to be run by people who loved toys. Now it's run by guys who'd just as soon head up Coca-Cola or RJ Reynolds or a staple factory. Joyless, wooden men who have the imagination of a paper clip.

I realize this term has been bandied about in mass culture (and thus rendered as meaningful as my toe-nail clippings) , but McFarlane is old-school. He loves toys. He made figures he knew wouldn't sell 50,000 units. He made them because they looked cool. Because he loved the work of his designers and sculptors.

Okay, I've composed myself. Jeebus, sometimes I get carried away. Relax, just relax. I'm just saying I like the guy's work is all. I'm not gonna kiss him.

Gmail invites available

I still have some Gmail invites available if anyone wants them. You have to be a member of my forum first. Signing up is painless.

Action figures for new Tim Burton movie

The creator of Spawn, Todd McFarlane, is making figures for the new Tim Burton stop-motion animation movie, Corpse Bride. This is what I can only call a truckload of awesome.

McFarlane's company makes the best sculpted figures on the market and Burton is, well, a freak with a hyperkinetic imagination. Together they make some sort of real-life superhero team. Actually, it's kinda like chocolate and peanut butter finally hooking up, after years of flirting, and giving birth to those sweet, sweet Reese's Peanut Butter Cups we know and love.

Looking for Writer Types, part 2

Oh, yeah, so if any of you writer types want to blog here as a member instead of contributing to the Maximum Awesome site, that's cool too. Again, just drop me a line, and I can add you to the member list.

Looking for writer types

So, there are three regular contributors to Maximum Awesome at present. One and a half of those are me. I'd like to chop that ratio down a bit, so if you're a writer type or know a writer type who can be at least a little funny, head on over to the site and send an email. I'm especially looking for female writers, since we've got three males already, but that's not a prerequisite. Awesome grammarosity is. :-)

(I just used a smiley. Now I feel like a dork.)

Insomnia

Gads, what's this? Trouble sleeping? But I like sleep. I do it for a third of every day.

Nevertheless, it is hindering the funnyness of this blog. Sucks for you, I guess.

Maximum Awesome

I launched Maximum Awesome a few weeks ago. Go visit. It's much funnier than this. Seriously. Go now.

Okay, right, so this is a little companion blog. I will update as often as possible. Each post will likely be short, and there will be frequent linkage to Maximum Awesome, just like that.